Tonight in immature humor
I’ve never been able to keep a straight face regarding Dick’s Sporting Goods.
But just now I fell out of my chair laughing.
My brother found their ad pamphlet in the newspaper.
And you really had to be here to hear how he said it.
But really, I’m twelve years old and am having trouble typing because of the tears.
I left school to enter the draft early.
How many preschoolers does a 16lb turkey feed?
The general rule of thumb is a 16lb turkey feeds 16 adults. It feeds a lot more if they’re small children.
My mom the preschool teacher is putting up with the thanksgiving feast at her school today.
It’s a small preschool and a holiday week so most of the kids aren’t even there. In fact, the whole “event” is for 8 kids (2-5yo) and three adults.
Since Halloween they knew this, and the preschool director has been bugging the parents to sign up for the food they’re going to bring. ALL of the parents, even of the children she knows won’t be there.
Including asking a parent to purchase, cook, and carve a SIXTEEN POUND TURKEY.
And in between bullying the preschool’s paying customers and teachers (not my mom, she doesn’t fall for that crap) into bringing such a ridiculous amount of food, unashamedly telling people there will be enough for everyone to take home leftovers this year. Because last year only she took any of the leftover food.
I told my mom she should sign up to bring the turkey, then show up the day of with one of those pre-cooked rotisserie chickens from the grocery store.
She didn’t because she’s too nice. But she did tell her boss directly that she wouldn’t take any of the food because she won’t have people bullied into cooking thanksgiving dinner for her.
Who is this woman, taught me ethics and shit, no wonder I’m not rich yet ;P
I now have a front-facing camera on my phone.
There are/will be so many thousands of pics just like this.
Because cuddling a special pet is great.
It’s closing time
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.
More like why would you want to stay here?
At the hospital, that is.
I’ve worked outside this hospital ling enough now, I’ve seen thousands of discharges. Most are eager to gtfo.
But every day one or two will linger. Loitering. All day long. Forgot what to do with themselves without an IV pole to wheel around, I guess?
And I’m not talking about the homeless who don’t have anyplace to be. They all gladly take free bus tokens or free taxi rides to wherever they’re going.
These are people with homes and families. Won’t call anybody to pick them up, won’t accept any sort of help getting anywhere but here.
Won’t take the hint that they’re discharged and it’s time to go away and leave the hospital to the people who still need to be here.
An astonishing number wander off to one of the nearby bars and get drunk. Then stumble back to use the ER waiting area or main lobby as ther nap room.
I don’t get it.
First walkies with my new phone. Even Buddy is glad I’m back on android. Never again, apple, never again.
But this is not a post about my phone.
I love my puppy.
So sweet and loving and affectionate.
Insistent almost to the point of brattyness when he wants something, but sweet and thankful when he gets it.
And I call him a puppy even though he’s kinda too old for that but everything about thus doggie is all puppy. Playtime is the best.
I love my pet.
I wonder what these nuts are for.
Overheard in one of those “and is better” car commercials.
I peer quietly into the deepest pools
A flutter of the watery surface
Is matched deep within my being
Vitality and life thrive under cover of the flutter
With scarred terrain concealed in the darkest depths
These depths house fear
And with a slow blink, pushed from the depths back to the rippling surface
Only to venture further on the next voyage
Cousteau of the soul
Exploring and nurturing hidden worlds.
There’s at least one of you who can totally drive super good and park nice and straight between the lines…
You totally shouldn’t be scared to drive, but do be careful out there.
I met someone today who… ummm… can’t.
He may have caused a four car accident at my day job today.
And the other three cars may have been parked.
And those “may have”s should be pronounced “totally”.
How exactly does one hit three parked cars?! It’s a talent, I suppose.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HATTER!!! i would bake you an apricot cake but you know i can't bake. member that one time when we had our birthdays in San Diego and went to the zoo and then the LA podfest and had the coolest birthdays ever?! hope you have a happy birthday but hurry it up because as soon as yours ends, mine begins!! get outta MY birthday's way!! xoxo
I’m outta your birthday’s way!
Happy Birthday sweet apricot.
And thank you for this sweet message. And the memories of what was totally my best birthday last year when we zoo’ed on my birthday and then saw comedians on yours.
Not that this year’s birthday wasn’t good as well. Stanford lost, so yay. (I’m a Trojan, I’ve learned to find victory where I can lately)
But we should be birthday buddies and have dual adventures on our birthdays every year!